Ready

Last night or this morning rather, for the moment before i fell asleep. I felt satisfied. Satisfied with what i had for the moment. The respect, the recognition, the love, the life. I felt so ready to die. Never wanted anything more than this. And if i lived longer, it might never get to this. I really would have gone last night if i had a cigar box of heroin and a syringe. It would be doubly satisfying to die on a high. Unfortunately i never had the means to die. I don't want to leave the sheets bloodied or my body parts mutilated for my close ones to clean up and leave them with a horrific last image to remember me by. Pain wasn't much of a factor. Beauty in Death is the ideal.

Hence i only fell asleep and woke up to the blaring midday sun. At least the night is cool. So here i am alive. Guess i'll die another night.